THE sirens of the culture police could be clearly heard on stage at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre last week.

Kit and the Widow were "OutReaching" madly to the culturally deprived Guildford audience.

Opera was their bag and it spilled out a shower of surprising libretti.

Never to be taken seriously, the duo makes its satirical mark with elan. Behind the jokey style is a fund of musical knowledge any diva would die for - and probably has.

What chief culture vulture Chris Smith would have made of it is anybody's guess. But nobody cares.

The audience, shivering slightly in the blast of the Arnaud's all-or-nothing air conditioning system, drew their pashminas more tightly around them as they drank in this heady cocktail of melody, mayhem and madness.

Bouts of "BUPA coughing" were encouraged from the Haslemere "focus group", sweet rustling, wheezing and handbag rummaging were swiftly encouraged before the entrance of the diva of the day, mezzo-soprano Melanie Marshall.

The Fat Lady Sings is the title of the show but on the "37 stone Rita Hunter" scale, Melanie is a mere wisp.

There proves to be many a slip twixt wisp and song, however, as in true diva style the lady storms into the wings to be cajoled and flattered back on stage.

Cod histrionics apart, Melanie Marshall has an impressive voice and is particularly at home in a selection from Carmen Jones.

Prostrate on the piano after a touch too much of Strauss's Champagne aria, Melanie reduces not only the audience but also accompanist, the Widow, to helpless laughter.

The Widow, aka Richard Sisson, is an accomplished and sensitive accompanist. Slightly built, he has an impish and sly wit that is made more powerful by an appearance of overweening innocence.

There's precious little innocence in allusions to Benjie Britten and his partner Peter Pears. "I'm giving my Bottom at Aldeburgh..." sets the tone.

The operatic world of the Parisian bohemians becomes "Vesti La Blubba" (the inspiration of Fascinating Aida's Dillie Keane), in which the two tragic heroines, Mimi and Violetta come together in a cacophony of coughing and dire punning.

The sheer idiocy of some the lyrics is writ large in the finale. Nessun Dorma becomes a list of Indian take-away dishes with prompt boards to encourage audience participation. Huge fun for all concerned.

The Arts Council may cringe but Kit and the Widow have again demonstrated how successful their off-the-wall outlook on life can be.

Viva the divas.

Sandy Baker

The Herald Arts pages are where you'll find the best reviews of a wide range of theatre and music each week.